Things to remember

Mav tasting hot chocolate for the first time "milk! Hot milk!" - he now asks for hot milk 

Mav dropping something on the floor "ahhh mahnn!" 

This obsession with lining things up:

Merry Christmas

We have been busy with all things Christmas lately so I am a little late but I hope everyone had a great Christmas! 

Also late at posting Ty's 1 month post and birth story. I had them typed up and they disappeared so I gave up for now. 

We ended up staying home this year instead of traveling to see hubby's family for their annual Boxing Day extravaganza due to the fact Mav broke his collar bone 2 days before Christmas! It's not really safe to put him in a car seat right now, probably would not be comfortable even if we could make it safe. So we will be making the trip to see family once we see the ortho doctor and his sling is removed.

Last year we decided that we would be sleeping in our own beds from now on at Christmas so we of course had no problems keeping those plans. We did spend a couple hours with Hubby's aunt and uncle and cousins Christmas Eve and then home to wait for Santa. Christmas Day was low key which we love. We woke up (kids slept in until 8!) opened presents casually over the next two hours and had some breakfast. Mav was pretty excited about his new kitchen and it was a bit of a struggle to get him to acknowledge his other gifts lol that is why we barely got him anything this year. ;) of course once everything was opened and out in view he spent the rest of the day alternating playing with everything but always coming back to the play kitchen. Seriously best $20 I ever spent I love kijiji. 

My mom, brother and one of my step sisters joined us for more gifts and turkey dinner, I think at the end of the day I was laying in bed by 8:30 at the latest. 

Next up is New Years. I can't see us doing anything other than sitting on our couch this year. Lack of baby sitters, breastfeeding newborn baby, and laziness. Hubby is on holidays until the 6th so we are just spending time at home, hopefully I can get some things knocked off my to do list before he goes back. 

I hope to redo those missing posts (seriously blogger wth?) before the new year but no promises from me as I am trying to just relax and enjoy family time. 

Peace and Love 

<3

Dear Ty: One Month

Posting this late as I'm prepping the two month post*opps! 

My dear sweet Ty how can you possibly be one month already? This month has gone so quickly yet it feels like you have been a part of our family forever. Your calm even natured personality fits in perfectly around here and gives us a balance we needed. I think we will see that balance even more in the coming months when you are no longer a newborn, right now naturally you need a lot of mommies time. We spend our days in a cycle of eating and sleeping, and you are starting to have more awake periods in between. You rarely cry, usually it is because you are hungry and boy do you let us know! I am in no rush to have you grow up but at the same time I can't wait for you to be able to play with your brother. He really loves you and brings you his toys and books all the time. I am pretty sure you love him already too, you seem very interested in watching him when he is around. I hope for you guys to be the best of friends ❤️

Stats: 

Weight ~ 9lbs 8z 

Length ~ 55cm 

Eyes and hair ~ both are dark, dark blue eyes and dark brown hair. Your hair is thinning but you still have lots

Feeding ~ Exclusively breastfeeding on demand which seems to be every 2 hours on average. There have been a few 4 hour stretches 

Sleeping ~ You sleep much better than your brother even getting a few 4-5 hour stretches in at night. 

 Milestones/Other ~ 

* I'm sure you have reflux, you don't puke like your brother but you gag on nothing. A lot. 

* You rolled belly to back once at 3 weeks I'm pretty sure that was a fluke

* you smile a lot but it's usually followed by some sort of gassy sound ;) 

Milk and Cookies (Lactation cookies)

This kid

He's a major eating machine. He eats every 2-4 hours (usually 2), for anywhere from 15-45 minutes at a time. This is a MAJOR adjustment for myself. Mav only ate for 5-10 minutes at a time before he would have to stop and puke. I had a really fast flow and oversupply last time, I never once worried about my supply, breastfeeding was easy.

So here is yet another difference between these two kiddos of mine. I suppose this one is more me but I blame it on him ;) . Now that I am pumping once a day I can visually confirm my flow is not as fast. Perfect that may have contributed to the puking with Mav and so far Ty does not have that problem. In addition to being slower I often find myself questioning my quantity of supply. I constantly feel like I am drained, which makes sense considering how much he eats. I know supply is all about demand and believe me there is demand so we should not have any problems, I eat healthy, drink lots, not taking any medications etc. But I still worry.

So I make sure I eat my oatmeal every day and I also decided to make some lactation cookies :) They were pretty yummy. I had to share with Mav because he constantly caught me trying to sneak them lol. He thought they were pretty yummy too.

I was passed along this recipe here   from a friend, and I found this one here on Pinterest.
They are pretty similar but I went mostly by the first link since I have eaten those before when my friend made them.  I did add some extra oats into mine to bulk them up a little, and also I used raisons instead of chocolate chips.

They are all gone already so I think I will probably make another batch before we go away for the holidays. I pump once a day so that Ty can take a bottle with daddy each night, but I would like to start trying to freeze some and while the amount I get when I pump is slowly increasing (another difference, with Mav I could pump 5oz in 5 mins. Now it takes 20 min to get 3-4oz) I do not have the time with two little ones to pump more than once a day. It would be nice to go out lets say for a nice dinner with my husband in the new year kid free :) Hopefully we can get some pumping action going on and build a supply, if not then I will just enjoy some yummy cookies!

Remember when.... My dog bit my baby (1 year update)

** WARNING THIS POST INCLUDES GRAPHIC IMAGES**

Last Thursday marks the one year milestone of Mav's encounter with our old family dog.
It was a day that honestly changed my life forever, I will never be able to look at a dog the way I used to, trust a dog the way that I used to. And maybe that is a good thing.

I find it hard to believe it has been a year already, in some ways it feels like the time has flown by and in others it seems like it has been so much longer. Our year has been an emotional one, dealing with the grief of the loss of our dog and the demons in our heads of what happened. For myself it has included panic attacks, nightmares and flashbacks of the horrible event I witnessed. For hubby it has involved a lot of "what if's" grief about how we as parents were careless which allowed it to happen. I wrote about the incident briefly right after it happened, you can find that post here, I did not include any pictures at first. It was all too hard to deal with back then, but today I will be sharing with you (hence my warning at the beginning of this post). This is a full disclosure post, I needed to share it fully. I need to get past this. 

To start, here is what Mav looks like today. 

A year later his scars are barely noticeable and we are one follow up away from being discharged from plastics. If he gets really cold, for instance after swim lessons they do turn a light purple and become more obvious. Thankfully there will be no need for corrective surgery as he has healed quite nicely.

In addition to barely having any physical scars emotionally he is doing quite well also. There is a dog at his daycare that he interacts with on a regular basis, he shows no fear or hesitation which is good. He was "lucky"  that he was so young in the sense of not developing any debilitating fears. He still loves dogs, his little face lights up whenever he sees one walking down the street. He calls out to the neighbors dogs and tries to pet them through the fence. We are reinforcing the point of no kissing dogs still, my little lover child will try to get face to face with a dog to kiss it (which makes my heart speed to what I assume is unhealthy rates). There has been a couple occasions where for some reason he has shown hesitation towards to strange dog, this is good. I want him to love dogs but to learn to be careful.

I don't recall if I ever shared this but it happened twice...

On December 5th, 2012 I drove hubby to work bright and early in the morning. When Mav and I returned home I found that our dog had eaten a large amount (2-3 dozen) of the chocolate brownies I had baked for the Christmas cookie exchange I was going to that day. Daisy was a beagle, a medium size dog at most 25lbs. I knew it was a matter of time before that much cocoa killed her so we jumped back into the car and rushed to the vets. Once there they gave her an injection of something that caused her to vomit multiple times and empty her stomach, in addition to that it she was also in a drugged state barely able to lift her own head. She spent the rest of her day locked in our kitchen for easy clean up as well as to keep her separate from human interaction at the vets suggestion. The vet made it clear that she may be in an altered state of mind because of the injection. Mav and I went to the cookie exchange and by evening Daisy appeared to slowly be coming around. This is where the first slip up happened. Following dinner hubby let Daisy out of the kitchen out of habit so that she could lick up any crumbs, then the next slip up occurred. I put Mav on the floor to play. Both are things that we did on a daily basis, no second thought about it. As I sat at the dinning table I had Daisy at my feet and Mav crawling around to my left. Both of them were literally in an arms reach from me as I read through the newspaper. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Mav climb to his knees and start to reach for the dog who had her back end towards him. Daisy had bad hips, they occasionally caused her visible pain, most likely they were painful on a daily basis and so we were always cautious with respect to them. It was not unlike Mav to reach out and touch the dog, she normally would lick him as he did so but on that night in her drugged state that is not what happened. I can still picture it, it goes in slow motion just as it did while it was happening. Mav climbed to his knees and reached his hand out to the dog, my hand started to extend in a cautionary gesture to tell him to be gentle but before I could do that Daisy turned around and locked her teeth onto his little cherub cheek knocking him to the ground. It was a matter of seconds. Slow motion but so fast that a blink could almost have caused me to miss seeing it. I screamed (so I am told) described as a blood curling witness to a murder scream. My screaming alerted hubby who was downstairs, and our neighbors who immediately started calling and texting also. My hand already in the process of extending immediately changed paths and went straight for the dog's scruff as I dropped to the floor on my knees. She was not letting go. She had his little cheek locked in her jaw and there was an aggressive growl coming from her. I can not even describe in full accuracy the behaviour she was showing, I remember grabbing her with one hand and hitting her with another trying to lift her from my baby. Once separated I had her in one hand and scooped up Mav with another. I tossed her aside and immediately jumped to my feet scared to look closer, at first glace it looked like a huge part of his cheek was missing, there was blood everywhere. I was starting to go into shock but something in the back of my head switched from frantic mother into what I call "nurse mode". At this point hubby was beside me screaming also, he was in full blown panic mode and one of us needed to pull it together, it was obvious at that moment it needed to be me. I ordered hubby into the car cradling Mav in my arms and trying to shield his face from hubby. At this point I still thought there was a piece of his face on our dinning room floor and thought that if Hubby saw him it would push him over the edge. I needed him to regain some composure. We ran every red light and stop sign on our way to the hospital and made it there in record time. abiding by traffic rules we live approx 10-20 min drive from the hospital depending on time of day and traffic.  As we ran into the triage area we were quickly whisked into the back where Mav was cleaned up and stitched up. He had a small insertion wound above his left eye brow that was glued shut, another small insertion wound and a larger gaping tear on his left cheek. Nothing was missing, the larger wound had been split open by the dog's tooth. It was unclear what caused that to happen, My memory even at the hospital was too foggy to identify if the skin tore when I grabbed the dog or if the dog bite itself did it. Mav ended up with 5 or 6 stiches and we were sent home. 

City bi law states that after a dog bite the affected dog must be kept in quarantine for 10 days before action can be taken. Even if it is your dog who you know is fully vaccinated. The penalty is over $1500 if the dog is terminated or "goes missing" before being cleared by the health inspector. And so for the next 10 days Daisy stayed with us locked in a separate area so she had minimal contact with myself and hubby, and no new visitors were allowed in the home. Being so close to Christmas, and being given the time to allow our emotions to calm the decision was made that Daisy would continue to live with us but would be treated more like a dog and not allowed to interact with Mav or any young children. Our house is set up in a way that did allow this to happen, it meant closing gates so that Daisy was in one area while Mav was in another. I was terrified of my dog, I hated her.  Hubby was convinced it was the injection and her drugged state. He blamed us for it the attack happening, I blamed the dog. This caused extra stress but we lived like this for the next 2-3 months. Shortly after the bite Mav got an infection and was admitted to the hospital for IV antibiotics, once the infection was out his incision was able to heal properly. Just as things were getting back to normal and every one was feeling like our new life had settled she bit him again.

The second bite happened on Mav's birthday, almost 3 months after the first.  I suppose the change in how the dog was treated and how she was now living caused some jealousy. The second bite was completely unprovoked, it was not an aggressive attack like before but more of a warning. A friend was visiting and holding Mav in his arms. The dog was in the kitchen separate from Mav, that is until our friend entered the kitchen with Mav in his arms. Hubby was there too seeing that said friend had entered the kitchen with Mav hubby warned that he was to be separate from the dog and out of the kitchen. Said friend assured hubby nothing would happen he had it under control, then for some reason he put Mav down. Mav stood there at said friends feet for only a few short moments before the dog came over and bit him once again on the left cheek. This time the bite was a direct in and out, like a warning nip. It broke the skin and once again Mav was rushed to the hospital. This time no stitches were needed just closed shut with some surgical glue. Once we returned from the hospital we put Daisy in the car and we took her directly to the vet's office. They were just getting ready to close and were waiting for us to arrive. We said our goodbye's and left her there. She was euthanized the following morning. The combination of her age, health and now inability to interact with other dogs or children meant she was not a candidate for adoption.

At some point when our children are older we will get another dog, but it will be a few more years before we are ready to even start planning that. And there will be a lot of planning involved to find us the right dog for our family. 

This past week has been an emotionally tough one for me but we are all still healing and in a much better place. 

Our first week

Ty is now 9 days old. 

I am still pinching myself and knocking on wood everytime I comment on what a good baby he is. The differences between him and Mav are like night and day. 

Our first week has consisted of two follow ups and rounds of blood work for Ty to monitor his jaundice. On day 4 his levels came back right at the limit barely escaping a hospital admission and phototherapy. When we went back at day 6 he had gained 1.5oz and bloodwork showed a small improvement so we've been free to monitor it from home. 

On day 7 I woke not feeling very well. My chest felt heavy and it was like I couldn't take a deep breath without something hurting deep inside. I have had a lot of swelling since giving birth, way worse than when I was pregnant. And my left leg was pretty bad so when my mom arrived for the day Ty and I were ready at the door waiting. I had her take me to the ER to be assessed. In the back of my head I worried about a blood clot, but I mainly felt like they were going to just send me home. 

Well that's not what happened at all. At triage they discovered my heart rate was way too low and in the 30's. I was rushed into the back where I was hooked up to an ECG machine and had al ultrasound done on my heart looking for the suspected clot. After an injection of blood thinner and a cat scan of my lungs they determined there was no clot after all, but what they did find was a cyst on my lung which was located right beside my heart. 

Over the next 48 hours (I was admitted onto the cardiac floor) they discovered fluid around my lungs (pleural effusion) and a heart murmur. The cyst measures 5x5x2cm. More ultrasounds and a chest x ray ruled out more serious diagnosis but no actual cause for my heart rate was determined. It was decided that I had the cyst previously undetected, and labour caused stress on my body which in turn caused the fluid and low heart rate. No real answers but a theory. I will have to follow up in a month to assess the cyst and check to see if the fluid has been absorbed or not. They won't drain anything unless it worsens because of the high risk of infection. 

This whole time Ty was at my bedside as I am breastfeeding. He was absolutely perfect, my mom stayed as well bc another adult had to be there to be responsible for him in case something happened with me. I remember holding him and through all the other emotions feeling so blessed that he was such a good baby. If it wasn't for him being the talk of the floor no one would have known he was there. I think every nurse and worker came to say hi. 

It feels good to be home again, and sleeping in my own bed. Home with my family where I can hold and kiss both my boys. I'm still feeling a little off, and very nervous for the future. I broke down in the hospital just sobbing at the possible thought of not being there for my boys. And while the immediate risk is gone the mystery of what happened remains and is on my mind. But for now all I can do is wait it out and go back if something concerning happens. 

Now to turn this post back around I will leave it with some pictures of our week. 

<3 <3 

Surrounded by Boys

Well its official. 

I am a mother of two. Two boys to be exact. 

This past Thursday at 5:59am Baby Ty joined our little family. Weighing in at 8lbs 7oz with rolls upon rolls (including a double chin). At only 37 weeks and 5 days I cringe at the size he could have been. 

I will post an official "birth story" like I did for Mav in a few days. Right now we are elbows deep; trying to figure out how to be a family of four, running around to dr appointments (Ty has jaundice), and trying to share the love between toddler and newborn. I foresee a few posts in the comig weeks about Mav's adjustment also. 

In the meantime I leave you with the cuteness of my life these days <3 

I'm not in labour!

That's what I think every time I wake the past two nights. 

Not sure what's going on in my brain but I go to sleep and wake almost every hour and as I open my eyes panic then calm once I realize "I'm not in labour". For some reason that millisecond upon waking I think it's time. And this seems to be the reason I'm waking, sure I'm uncomfortable and sure I have to pee a lot, my heart burn has even gotten worse this past week but none of those seem to be the reason I am waking. Perhaps I'm dreaming I'm in labour? But I don't remember the dreams at all. It's very annoying to say the least and hopefully it stops sooner than later because I am exhausted. 

On a separate note I hope everyone had a safe and fun Halloween :)

We decided to paint pumpkins this year. The one on the left Mav did himself. The ghosts and spider are his hands and feet (I love hands and feet) 

 Mav did some real trick or treating this year, he seemed to really enjoy the free candy. A couple houses had displays that were a little frightening for him but over all he did great. It was so cute watching him knock on people's doors :) and I've been enjoying the candy stash of course! We put aside a few things for him to snack on but he's not even two so lets be honest the candy is for me and hubby lol 

Here he is in his T. rex costume making his rounds :)

Packing my hospital bag - round 2

Well this past Tuesday we made a trip to labour and delivery as I was having some pretty intense "period type" cramping and contractions. I was hesitant to go because I have in general been more uncomfortable this time around but figured being as my due date was never officially changed baby is technically still preterm so off we went. 

Well we did come home "luckily" (i use the term loosely)  still pregnant, but boy did I hear it from hubby! My bag was not yet packed and the stress of the day got to him. So to make him feel better and knock another thing off my list I started packing. 

For some reason packing this time proved much more difficult. Last time I searched the Internet for lists and packed anything and everything that was suggested. This time I stared at my bag thinking why even bother lol. 

I'm sure I will add a few more things as time gets closer but here is what I've come up with so far: 

~For the baby~

2 sleepers

2 onesies 

1 sleep gown 

1 pair of socks 

2 hats

3 different soothers 

diaper wipes

*car seat is ready and waiting with a blanket and fleece snow suit 

* I am considering packing baby stuff in the diaper bag and adding a few items for Mav as well. 

Now I would like to mention our hospital provides diapers, Vaseline and dry wipes (which I hated). So no need for those. And the only reason I am entertaining the idea of dressing baby is because the weather is getting cooler and you never know what the room temp will be there. Otherwise I would only bring a going home outfit. 

~My personal items~ 

Nursing bra and pads

Flip flops 

2 pairs of socks (one plain and one fleece)

Yoga pants 

Zip up sweater 

t shirt 

2 piece button up pajama set (still looking for a set)

I am not bringing underwear because I plan on using the mesh ones the hospital provides. They also provide monster size pads so no need to bring those. 

~ Toiletries~ 

Bag #1 holds: 

Toothbrush and toothpaste 

Travel size shampoo, conditioner, hair spray, and face cleanser

Hair brush 

Eye mask for sleep 

Razor

Bag #2 is my make up bag should I feel the urge to beautify myself:

Make up brushes 

Lips gloss

Mascara 

Eye shadow

Bronzer

Bag # 3 probably the most useful bag:

lip chap

Hair elastics

Bobby pins 

Nail file and clippers

2 hair bands 

~ Misc items ~ 

Phone charger 

Video camera and charger 

Laptop and charger 

Snacks - still to be packed 

A good book - yet to be decided. 

Headphones 

I decided against bringing a camera for a couple reasons. One being that both of us have iPhones which tend to be our go to as well the video camera has the ability to take photos. So between those and other people's cameras I figure we are set. 

I don't think I really need much else. I didn't use most of what I packed last time so really trying to minimalize this time around. 

A few items I have listed have not yet made it into the bag since they are used quite regularly. 

Others that are still up for consideration include: 

Mini light - I may end up in a shared room and the bedside lights are so bright.

Notebook and pen - with Mav's birth I kept a log of progress etc. 

Deck of cards - for boredom 

Pillow and blanket- I can't remember if I brought one last time... But I do remember being cold at night. 

Hand sanitizer - I'm not big on using it to begin with but being in a germ infested hospital is making me consider. 

I think that's it! I may do a follow up post after the birth to compare this with what was actually brought a used. It still seems like a lot but looking at it all laid out is really not much. 

Alright so now onto the next task ;) 

Later friends.

Holy Baby

I love the belly cuddles that have been happening around here. Mav loves his baby sibling so much it's freaking adorable. Melts my heart to pieces. I can only hope he feels the same when the baby is no long in my belly! 

Seeing as how I am almost 34 weeks now a baby update is over due. So how have things been going? ... Well let me tell you but before I do I want to say that I am forever greatful for this growing baby inside of me, I have dealt with loss and know many friends and family who face their own fertility challenges. I by no means take any if this for granted. 

But I am miserable. I remember with Mav being so excited and wanting him to be born purely on the fact I wanted a baby. I desperately want this kid out too but it is because I no longer want to be pregnant anymore. 

I am hormonal aka a crazy bitch so watch out. 

And the daily and almost constant discomfort and pain... Physically I'm not sure how much more my body can take. My belly is much larger this time, my uterus has been measuring 4 weeks ahead for some time now. It's heavy, and the weight and pressure are making my back, hips, everywhere hurt. 

There is a good chance that my dates could be off so I have been cautiously preparing for the potential of baby coming earlier.

At least I am not as swollen as last time. I only recently (32 weeks) had to take off my rings, and my feet still look like they belong to me most days. My face however is starting to look a tad bit puffy, not sure yet if its fatness or swelling. 

Overall my weight gain has been much slower too. I think I am still under 30lbs gained. I haven't paid too much attention since its been so less. At this point with Mav I had gained over 60lbs... Again there was a lot of swelling... And my ass was fat. 

And since I've gained less and slower I've been lucky with stretch marks. I do have a new one starting on the right side of my belly (my first belly mark)  and the old ones on my hips have remained fairly light. So bonus there. 

I am so exhausted. It's probably a combination of my low hemoglobin and having a toddler at home. I went into l&d a few weeks ago to get checked as I was having dizzy spells and feeling "not right" since then I've starred increasing my iron intake which helps a bit. There are some days where just walking makes the muscles in my legs feel like giving out. 

The poor sleep I am sure plays a part too. I toss and turn a lot. And when I'm not repositioning and looking for a comfortable spot I'm up having to pee (again) for the hundredth time. I seriously don't remember being this affected with Mav, at least not until later on. 

Braxton hicks (I assume that's what it is) are constant. All day and sometimes lasting up to an hour each. Sometimes it's so tight that its actually painful. 

I'm not sure how much long I will be able to work. Sitting down causes my body to fold on itself in ways that cause more pain. 

I did my 2 hour glucose test and thankfully do not need diabetic meds, or further monitoring. I still need to be cautious and mindful of my diet but the doctor is not concerned right now. Win for me, hello chocolate. 

I had another ultrasound around 32 weeks to determine the location of my placenta and check baby's positioning and size. 

Estimated weight was 4lbs10oz (and I fully understand that's not reliable) 

Babies head had moved down and center which was our hopes. We went from weeks and weeks of being transverse, to head down oblique (aka crooked side angle where the head was in my hip) to finally proper positioning. Hopefully babe stats that way and I get my vbac. my placenta is still low, but it has moved enough that the doctor is not concerned. 

This baby is very camera shy. Face pictures are practically impossible.

We still haven't told family the gender. The envelope was opened, but they don't know it yet. Part of me felt skepticle with trusting that piece of paper, with Mav we were shown a visual confirmation. All this was was a piece of paper telling me something I never got the chance to see. So when I went to the ultrasound a couple weeks ago I asked to see. 

But still even with confirmation my lips are sealed for now ;) 

Co Parenting

Webster's defines co parenting as the "shared duties of bringing up a child". It is often made in reference to a divorced couple raising their children while living separately. When really co parenting also describes two parents who are still living under the same roof. It is something my husband and I are failing at miserably. 

And because we are failing so miserably everyone's lives (hubby, Mav and mine) are in turn miserable. No one is happy here these days, no matter how promising the day starts. 

No this is not a post looking for encouragement and people to say we are doing great. This is the truth, the ugly truth and I am being honest. 

So why is this happening? Why is everyone so miserable? What could we possibly be doing that's so wrong. I will start by stating the obvious differences in our upbringings. 

Hubby grew up with parents who attempted to be married while making each other miserable. Discipline was forced and coincided with raised voices and negative exchanges of words. 

I grew up with a mother who had multiple failed relationships and pushed strongly for independence and feelings of self worth in her children. Discipline was more positive and involved talking about cause and effect of our behaviours. No force, no raised voices. Never were we ever made to feel bad about ourselves when being disciplined. 

Flash forward to these two people dealing with a toddler prematurely entering the "terrible two" phase. We disagree on how to deal with temper tantrums and everything else. If voices are raised Mav's behaviours get worse. And I am not innocent with this one, my voice raises. I do my best to balance it with positive reinforcement and take the time to explain to him why he can not behave in certain ways. 

A typical day looks like this. Mav pushes the boundaries and gets himself worked up which in turn increases the stress level of said parents. One of the parents then takes it upon themselves to manage the situation in a way opposite of what the other feels is right. Said parents then start fighting. Fighting parents then trigger Mav to increase behaviours to the next level. Parents fight more, one gives up while saying relationship damaging words to the other. Remaining parent gets Mav under control and finishes parenting duties. Parents continue to fight after Mav is in bed, go to bed with issues unresolved. The threat of divorce is thrown out there, sometimes a productive conversation occurs attempting to find resolution. However nothing ever changes and it all repeats the next day.

Now I realize I am much more shall we say hormonal this pregnancy, but I sadly do not think this is the cause of these issues. I search the Internet wide and far looking for insight on how to better manage these things. But things will only get better if everyone involved actually tries. One person can simply not sit back nod wait for the other to change before they try, it has to happen together. And you can't make someone change, or want to change. Especially when that someone blames the other as the main cause of everything wrong in their life.

I have suggested counseling, everything imaginable but only one person going does not work. 

I feel like I am standing in a small dark room and I am very worried about the upbringing of my children. I love my husband more than anything in the world, we have always been slightly dis functional when it came to how we deal with things. But now with children involved I worry about what our relationship will do to them. I do not want my children to grow up feeling the way my husband has expressed being made felt by his parents. But I have no clue how to make sure this does not happen. I can't control or change the way my husband parents, and let me say that from what I know despite the similarities he is not as harsh a parent as his. 

At this point I don't see a resolution. And that worries me, makes me scared for my marriage. 

Apples, Pumpkins and a Corn maze

I love Fall. Capital L O V E it. 

Hands down my favourite season. 

I love the sunny weather with the cool crisp breeze and the way the air smells. 

I love the colours of the leaves and how gorgeous everything looks. 

And the food. Fall means soups and hot meals and of course thanksgiving. 

I pretty much love everything about the season. 

I hope my kiddos grow up to love it as much as I do :) 

Today Hubby and I took Mav for our first little family fall adventure. Being parents is great for reliving all those fun things you did as a kid. I honestly can't remember the last time I went apple picking or picked a pumpkin straight from the patch. These are things I hope we make a yearly thing. We attempted to go to a pumpkin patch last year but they were closed when we got there and we improvised with a little photo session instead. This year was the real deal, tractor ride and all. 

 

Despite his facial expression Mav had a great time lol I think he was focused on something here. Practically impossible to get him to look right at the camera with so much else going on. 

We went back to the same farm we went berry picking at this summer. One of the main reasons we chose to return was for the tractor. Mav really loved it last time and I couldn't confirm any of the other orchards had one. 

We sat right up front to get the best view 

Apple picking was first on our agenda, Mav figured out what to do pretty quick and luckily the trees were nice and low to the ground :) 

Naturally he sampled some lol 

We picked out four pumpkins for our little family. Mav even helped pick and gather them. It was so cute watching him try to pick then up. You can barely see it but he's still holding onto his apple lol at one point he was holding his apple in his teeth attempting to pick up one of the larger pumpkins. 

After we picked our stash we waited for the tractor to come back and get us. Still working on that apple lol must have been good. 

We finished off by attempting the corn maze... It was tough! We made it out which I feel counts as a success .. Even if the way out we took was labelled emergency exit and not the exit we were supposed to find. By the time we found it I didn't care I had a toddler and husband both getting cranky! We probably won't attempt the maze again for a few years lol 

It was an exhausting afternoon, but tons if fun :) 

Not a good day

Day one of watching what I eat and I am so angry and agitated at the world I feel I could breakdown any moment. 

I did breakdown and have a small bowl of ice cream. I feel awful for doing it but I'm struggling today. 

My day started with me realizing I didn't know what to eat for breakfast. I stood staring into the fridge and pantry wondering what my blood sugar was and if eating certain items would push it too high. I really wish my dr had of taken initiative and set me up with a glucometer so I didn't have to guess. I decided on a bowl of rice crispies and avoided my usual glass of OJ. 

Mav stuck to his routine of 1/4 cup OJ mixed with water and blueberries. Except he decided to have a 20 minute meltdown because he saw me dilute his drink with water. We are talking major meltdown here; screaming, crying, throwing his body on the ground meltdown. 

Eventually he/we calmed down and managed to get him to daycare. Afterwards I went and retraced my steps from our walk the day before (a walk which had every muscle in my body aching today) and thankfully found his iPod which we had lost. I was up all night stressing about losing it, it plays his bedtime music which is a big part of his routine. It was crazy humid today so I'm feeling quite disgusting at only 9am. 

With the iPod found I went on my way to my first clients home. Apparently there had been an accident involving a car and a bicycle just around the corner from where I was going, on the ground laid the cyclist with a blanket over them... I can't say for sure but I'm 90% sure he was still on the ground and not in the ambulance for a reason. Not a good one. That shook me up pretty good but after a time out to breathe I continued on my day. 

All day long I felt hungry, hungry and stressed because I don't know what to eat. I was given no diet guidelines, and no idea what's actually going on in my body. Stress level increases. 

I came home early, got a few things done around the house, picked up Mav and start making dinner. Once dinner is ready realize I can't serve half of it to Mav since we are not to introduce new foods until allergy testing and the other half he refuses to eat. 

Cue more meltdowns. Which leads to agitated parents who start fighting with each other. I'm not sure if I've mentioned it before but we are bad fighters, as in all the things you shouldn't say end up being said. 

With heavy tension still in the air I get Mav ready and put to bed. I spend the next few hours by myself watching tv and eventually caving in for that ice cream all which stewing with agitation and anger. 

I'm not sure if its my hormones or what but lately I am so easily agitated. With everything/everyone.  Plus Mav seems to really be pushing boundaries and I spend most of my time with him telling him not to do things and attempting to discipline bad behavior. Add in my husband also seems to be in a funk and spits more criticism out of his mouth than usefulness. 

I'm at my breaking point. 

I need an escape but I'm trapped. 

I need the ppl around me to stop being so miserable too. 

I need support and not criticism. 

I need to stop being a bitch but I don't know how ... 

Ugh. 

End rant. 

I knew it

I knew it. I had a feeling. 

Last week I drank this guy and had some blood taken 

Well today my family doctor informed me I failed. Not by a lot but enough that I now have to cut out all sweets and make sure to follow a diabetic diet. 

I see my OB for the first time next week so we will have to see what he says about the results. There's a good chance I will be doing the 2-3hour test. Hopefully I can just stay diet controlled.

I wish I could say I am optimistic I would pass the next test but I'm not. I was having a good morning the day I tested. Just the day before I spent about 20 minutes laying on my living room floor because I felt so dizzy while trying to get Mav and I ready to go out. That happens a lot the past couple months... Being a nurse I know enough about diabetes to know that the way I've been feeling is most likely from my blood sugar fluctuating. 

I love sweets. And so does hubby which is going to make this even harder. But I guess we will just have to wait until next week and see what the new dr says. 

I really could go for a big bowl of ice cream right now... 

Ortho update

Mav had his first appointment with the Orthopedic doctor Friday.

I don't think I wrote why he was going in my last post so I will start with that.

So Mav has been walking since he was 10 months old, that is lots (and lots) of practice time, by this point he really should be quite stable on his feet but he is a total clutz. At first I didn't think anything of it but I had a few people point out to me that he is bow legged. That also was not a big concern of mine, better bow legged than knock kneed in my opinion. Plus I had heard from other moms of bow legged kids that it has been suggested it is better for athletes to have a bit of a bow. Not that I am pushing for Mav to be an athlete but lets face it he is a very busy boy, and he has a natural love for sports so far. Obviously we will embrace that as much as our future bank accounts will allow lol.

So early walker becomes bow legged, and then a couple months back, somewhere between the 15-16 month mark I noticed he was becoming more clumsy and tripping more on his feet. After a few weeks of this I mentioned it to my doctor and she agreed with what we had noticed. Mav's legs were starting to turn inwards from the knees down throwing off his balance and causing him to trip. Some days his legs seem almost perfectly in line, but others (seemingly when he is over tired or too excited) its like his legs get lazy and start to turn. Sometime its a little turn others its much more noticeable. 

So now we will follow up yearly for potentially up to the next 7 years with the Ortho specialist.
That's all they want us to do, the examine concluded that Mav does in fact have a slight inward bend in his leg bones. Basically they said that it is not a concern at this point, and that as his leg muscles develop his legs should straighten. He doesn't even need physio, we are just to continue letting him be the overactive toddler he is which the Dr said was in his favor.

Ive searched for a picture to show what his legs do but all I can find is pronation of feet, and the curve is not in Mav's feet its in his calf bones...

So instead a cutie picture will have to do <3

18 Months!

Holy Moly Mav hits the 18 month mark at the end of this week.
That's a year and a half. Which is almost two! My little man is growing up so fast!

I know I haven't been doing monthly posts lately, to be honest I just haven't had much time for anything and I feel like after the twelve month mark milestones spread out so I would be sharing the same thing month after month. Snooze fest ( no offense to mama's who do monthly posts still I'm not saying yours are boring I just mean mine would be!)

So what is there to say about my soon to be 18 month old?

Mav truly is a toddler, I am not sure exactly when they officially become one but he is there. He still has his moments where he very much likes to be coddled and treated like a baby but they are far and few between. He is so independent and stubborn, and into everything. He wants to do everything he sees myself or his daddy do, as well as things he sees the bigger kids do at daycare which often will result in a tantrum if its not something appropriate or safe. Strong willed and stubborn describe him well. We try to let him explore and try new things regardless of his age, I do not want to discourage him, I want him to continue to be inquisitive and eager to learn and try things. Listening skills vary by the day, this is where we see a lot of his stubbornness. I know he hears me, and I know he understands but sometimes if its something he wants bad enough  than its pretty much in one ear and out the other. For the most part he does very well at following commands. He will put things in the garbage, pick up toys, and bring me items as asked; I tend to ask him to do a lot of things to test him.

He loves to climb up onto things which I thought he had outgrown but it seems as tho round two has started in the last couple weeks. Since he did start walking so young we have already been through a climber stage and it was great when I could untie the chair legs ( I used a scarf and tied them together under the table to discourage him from climbing) and relax without worrying he was going to fall off something and break his neck.

He is very athletic, he loves to play any sport and if I may add is fairly good at them. He received two mini hockey sticks for his birthday and like a true Canadian boy intuition just knew how to use them. Since then he has been introduced to basket ball, soccer, t ball, football and golf. All of which he loves and is able to differentiate between them. He throws and kicks very well, often straight and a good distance most people are impressed when they play with him. It makes his daddy (who happens to be one of those athletes that could play any sport well) very proud.

His language skills are improving as of lately which I really am happy about. For some time now he has been fairly non verbal, able to get his needs known and point across by pointing at things and making whiney sounds. He has a fair list of words that he can say I know I am leaving some out but his list includes: mama, mommy, daddy, sorry, ball, doggie, kitty, hi, bye, hello, baby, ba (bottle), grandma, nanna, Jill, blueberries, me, meow, keys as well as thank you, ready set go and lets go. He doesn't ever say no or yes but he will nod and shake his head appropriately. He has a few other words that I have heard him say once or twice but those seem to be the ones he will say most often. According to our day care lady she has heard him say please, no and stop. He also knows and says her name. Despite knowing how to say words it still can be a challenge to get him to say things and I really am trying to work on that with him. Not because I'm worried or that I feel he needs to for any reason other than it really is much easier for me when he will tell me what he needs.

As for his personality Mav still is very loving and gentle natured, but he also now will stand up for himself and should someone else get too rough or take something from him that he really wants he will fight back... this is another perk to language skills. Specifically the word "me" is used a lot when someone has something that he was playing with or something he wants and since learning it he does not hit nearly as often, where as before if you took something from him he would start swinging. When he does something bad or needs to say sorry it is always accompanied with a hug which is really sweet.

He is a very scrawny little boy, I think at his last appointment they said he was down under the 50th percentile but I cant remember exactly where he fit in. Most the children in my family start off very thin and petite and then develop into giant monsters. He has a very good appetite and will eat most foods so I am not at all worried. He just happens to burn off so much energy he stays really thin. Currently he only weighs 22lbs. I am not too sure what his favourite foods are these days it is hard to narrow it down, he loves most fruits, we still avoid bananas since he had the reaction and will re introduce it when he is a bit older. Cucumbers are also a big hit, I don't even cut it up, I just cut a portion off and hand it to him and he chops away happily eating it all. Carrots and potatoes are a fairly safe bet, I don't think Ive ever seen him turn them down. While all other vegetables seem to depend on his mood as to whether he will eat them on a particular day. Meat also depends on his mood, for a long time he refused to eat it but lately he has been actually eating it in small portions. 

His favourite toys right now are his toy balls, cars and trucks, dinosaurs and mega blocks. Those all come out on a daily basis. He also loves tools. Any change he can he will grab one of daddy's tools and "get to work" on something. Its really cute. He has a favourite bunny stuffy (bunny head attached to a little blanket) that he sleeps with and the once beloved (by me)  now dreaded soother is also a main source of comfort.  He also has a preference for one particular blanket but can go days without it if its not needed. We spend a lot of time outside, he absolutely loves to be outdoors and playing. 

Lets see.. some other miscellaneous things worth mentioning..

He has a full set of teeth on the left side of his mouth and the remaining molars and fangs on the right side are all in the process of coming in as we speak. I think at this point they have all broken the  gums to some degree and are all taking their turns at tormenting him.

Coming up we have his orthopedic assessment, his legs turn inward slightly which has been affecting his balance lately. They were not always like that so I mentioned it to the dr and she put the referral to have him assessed. I had this at a much younger age and it had to be corrected, I'm pretty sure I had tiny little baby casts on my legs and feet.

He had his pre summer follow up with the plastic surgeon to monitor the scars on his face, she was very pleased with how it has healed and we will see her probably for the last time in September or October to make sure the scars continue to fade and are not damaged by the sun. I will post more of an update on that in general at a later time.

He has become very interested in the toilet and sitting on his potty. There have been some kids at day care potty training recently so that seems to have caught his interest. I have been trying to be as vocal as possible about the potty and what its for. If I notice he is pooping I will ask him "are you pooping?" and immediately change his diaper afterwards, I was reading somewhere that making him aware of what he is doing is sort of a pre step for training later. He now will walk up to you and pat his diaper when it needs to be changed, not always but especially after a nap when it is a little more full.

He understands there is a baby in my belly and is very affectionate and wanting to feel the baby move which is really sweet. He loves babies so hopefully he will love this one even when he realizes they are staying with us permanently lol.

He loves music and loves to dance. He really enjoys when his daddy plays guitar, Mav has his own little guitar that looks like daddy's and they will sit together and play.

My little man <3 growing up so fast. Soon he will be moving to his big big room and becoming a big brother! 

Halfway done - baby V round 2

I am feeling a little guilty about the lack of pregnancy posts. This whole pregnancy has been so low key that it hasn't really even crossed my mind, I have been recently taking weekly belly shots since I did that all the way thru with Mav. I started late this time but in all fairness we found out much later. 

So for record keeping (and any inquiring minds) here is the rundown so far :) 

Currently 21w3d

Due date: November 30,2013

Gender: We do know, but at the moment it is a secret. It took some time for hubby to decide if he wanted to know or not, so at our anatomy scan we had the tech write in on a paper and put it in an envelope. I found out fairly soon after that, hubby backed out as Mav was opening the envelope for us and turned his back but I got a peek. A few days ago he finally caved and opened it for himself. 

Planned vs surprise: Not gonna lie, this baby was not planned. This took us by a huge surprise, shock is probably a better word. From what we can tell babe was conceived around Mav's first birthday, so around the time I really got serious about weaning. I didn't realize I was pregnant until 10 weeks later when I started questioning why Aunt Flo had never returned. 

Symptoms: I have had practically none. There have been days that if it wasn't for a mirror or feeling a jab I would forget I was pregnant. Looking back at the first 10 weeks the only indication I can think was when Mav decided he would rather have a night bottle than nurse. Since then I have had some lower back and nerve pain, and energy levels are low. 

Cravings: Nothing crazy so far just a few weeks of eating salt and vinegar chips. And no really strong aversions either. I'm not crazy about eating meat but unlike last time I can stomach it from time to time. 

Weight gain: Until my 20 week appointment I hadn't gained anything, however it seems I gained 8 lbs in the last month. It's a huge jump but considering that brings my grand total up to only 8lbs not bad at all. 

Movement: I wasn't too sure the first few times but once it became more obvious I was able to feel movement between 15-16 weeks. My last ultrasound confirmed my placenta is once again at my back side so optimal for feeling movement. Babe is getting stronger and I feel little jabs and movements daily. About a week ago hubby was able to finally feel them as well. 

Mav is slowly starting to show signs that he understands there's a baby in my belly, he seems to think I am the only person with a baby but at least he sort of gets it. He recently has started hugging and kissing my belly when we tell him to kiss the baby <3 

Hamburger or Hotdog (gender predictions)

So apparently when pregnant with Mav I said I would be ok with not finding out the gender of our next child. 

Flash forward 2 years and my husband is holding me to it. Well guess what I'm not ok. I don't want a surprise, I need to know. I don't know how people do it but I need that crucial piece of detail in order to plan and prepare, to buy and/or sell, to serve my curiosity! 

But I love my husband and marriage has to be about compromise and give and take, and since we did find out with Mav (because I wanted to) my heart is telling me I have to let him win this one. Of course I bring it up with gentle encouragement to try to sway him but I feel too guilty to bother getting into a real debate since I know this is what he wants. 

Our anatomy scan is this week and I am still holding onto the little faith I have that the excitement of it will change his mind (but watch he will and lo's legs will be crossed!) 

So if I can't know what this baby is until November then I will have to add to my curiosity my finding every gender prediction online possible! This is what I've come up with so far: 

Baking soda test - Boy (I think) 

Ring test - inconclusive (it kept changing direction)

Chinese chart - Girl 

Salty vs Sweet cravings - Girl 

Odd vs Even - Boy 

High vs Low - Boy (wrong with Mav) 

Sleep positions - Girl 

Acne - Girl 

Heart rate - Girl

Nausea - Boy 

Leg hair - Girl 

As well Hubby's Nonna (Italian grandmother) claims when your baby says "mama" first the next is a girl; if baby says "dada" the next is a boy.  - Girl 

I'm becoming obsessed with these and constantly looking up more wives tales so if anyone knows anymore please share! 

Summer Time :)

It's officially summer! 

Of course since I'm working summer is not as exciting as it is when I have free time but I'm excited! We spent Friday  afternoon in our back yard playing in the sandbox and kiddie pool.

Mav loved the sandbox! Of course he did sample a few bites of sand but he actually was playing in it too. 

And since I am working I want to make the most out of my time off. There were so many things I wanted to so last year and never did because I kept putting them off. 

This year I have made a summer bucket list :) I'm sharing it with you so that maybe it will inspire you to so the same and make the most of summer! 

Our list this year so far includes:

Zoo trip

Splash pad 

Marine Land 

Bonfire 

Beach day

Picnic 

Berry picking 

Mini golf 

Catch fireflies 

I plan on adding more just looking for ideas. If anyone has fun plans please share :) 

The name game

So seeing as how I am with child naturally the topic of names has come up. Hubby and I occasionally will bring a new name up for suggestion and hmm and hahh about it until we decide one of us hates it. 

MV was not named until he was born, we had a small list of contenders but the final decision was made when he was in hubby's arms. 

Now if he had of been a girl, well girls names are easy. We have a name waiting for our potential future daughter should she ever arrive. 

So our girl name starts with a "M", and there's a chance no matter the gender this baby will be another MV by initials. Which has had me thinking about how I refer to MV on here. I have always known I wanted to keep his actual name private. His pictures posted and available in googles search engine is enough. 

So seeing as how we like the M names I have decided to add another one of his initials into his "blog name". So rather than MV, now Mav. No need to capitalize it all I don't think. This way should this next baby or any potential future babies share the same first initial I don't have to change everyone down the road. 

And now that is settled I need a baby name book! 

Welcome to the family

Yesterday we welcomed a new family member. She is super sweet and I can't wait to snuggle her again. Hopefully once she is settled at home with her parents and brother we will go over for a visit next week. Everyone is eager to meet her. 

She felt so tiny and perfect in my arms and made me even more excited to be expanding our family again in a few short months. ❤❤ 

He doesn't understand it yet but MV will be really excited too. 

Two under two... The thought terrifies me but that's a post for another day ;) 

29

Yesterday I turned 29. 

I remember turning 25 and feeling like it was all downhill, halfway to 50, sign me up for a retirement home now. lol dramatic I know but I was 25, so young ;)

Now I am only a year away from 30 and it doesn't even phase me. It could be the lack of excitement for my birthday, it never really amounts to much. This year once again it crept up and silently disappeared almost without a trace. 

This year my birthday went something like this: 

Wake to the sound of hubby puking his guts out.

Wrestle my teething toddler out of his urine soaked diaper into a clean one and fresh clothes. 

Listen to said toddler scream and cry while I pack his bag for daycare, apparently not moving fast enough as he stands at the door desperate to leave. 

Go to work. 

Finish work go home and shower in peace before picking up the teething toddler. 

Go out to dinner with my mom and who else? You guessed it cranky my molars are coming in toddler. Hubby is still too sick at this point to join us. 

Go home, bathe the kid, put him to bed and pass out exhausted. 

Oh and let's not forget how I stalked my Facebook page just to see all the birthday wishes from people I haven't seen and barely spoke with in years. People who wish me an "extra special day" or "fantastic" and "wonderful" day, hoping I get "spoiled". Are these people for real? Do people really use these words to describe their birthdays? If so I feel like I have been getting the short straw for a few years now.  :-/ 

So another year has come and gone, and what a year it's been. I'm not sure if I am any wiser but I'm sure I must have learned a thing or two. 

So here's to another year, my last year in my twenties. 

Coffee Date Friday

Hello friends!

I tried desperately to upload a video I took today but it does not seem to be working :(
So this post will have to be written instead, and maybe I will give it another try next week and hopefully figure out what I did wrong. I can upload directly from my web cam but that would be re doing the whole thing and I felt awkward enough the first time!

So this post was inspired by a weekly link up over at Rags to Stitches; I came across it a little while back and thought it would be a fun idea.

So if we were having coffee today I would tell you how much I have missed you! I have been away for so long and I really did not mean for it to be like that. I am feeling much better, there is still bad days every now and then but my mood has improved greatly with the change in weather.

If we were having coffee today you would have to excuse my appearance; I am wearing over sized sweat pants and Hubby's oversized blue Italia hoody. It is raining today and I wanted to be comfy, plus the blue sweater really brings out my eyes ;)

You would have to excuse my coughing, I promise I won't make you sick. I have horrible spring time allergies, my eyes itch, my nose is either stuffy or runny, and my throat is so raw and itchy that when I breathe in sometimes I can not help but have a coughing fit. It is horrible and I can not wait for this to pass. I was reading in the newspaper the other day that right now people in our area are suffering twice as bad, something to do with the pollens and trees budding... something is happening early and something later so BAM twice as bad for us unfortunate suckers who have tree, grass and pollen allergies (pointing my finger right in my own face).

If we were having coffee I would tell you all about my new laptop I bought today! I am pretty excited, it has been a while since I have had a laptop and while I have my iphone and ipad in addition to that dinosaur desk top they are all limited in their own ways when it comes to blogging and other things. My laptop is a combo gift, mothers day/birthday gift for me.

I would have had the new laptop a few weeks ago but MV was really sick the Mother's day weekend. We spent the weekend in and out of the hospital, he was having trouble breathing and his exact diagnosis was never determined. Pneumonia, bronchitis, adenovirus and respiratory virus were all mentioned but after two chest x rays they didn't know for sure and luckily he started to get better. They gave him an inhaler and baby sized aerochamber and whenever he gets sick he will probably need it again.

That's right, my birthday is coming. Next week to be exact. I am turning twenty nine... that's almost thirty... I remember having a nervous breakdown when I turned twenty five and that feeling so old.

If we were having coffee I would tell you that so much has happened that I couldn't possibly recap it all in the detail you would want, so I will have to tell you spread out over a few different posts. I would tell you I have missed blogging and plan on getting on here more regularly. I would ask you if there are any good bloggers you could recommend? I am always looking for new friends.

I would also tell you that I have plans to revamp my blog again, I am still undecided as to how much of a makeover I will be doing but changes are on the horizon.

And just as I would have to if we were having coffee for real I would have to excuse myself now because MV needs me.

I will be back soon!