I used to be in love

In love with breastfeeding. 

With Mav it came almost effortlessly,

Aside from a few minor latching troubles in the beginning I was completely head over heels about breastfeeding my baby.

 

It was easy, it was free and painless. It helped me bond a deeper love for my son than it ever thought possible. When he started to wean off his night feeds at 13 months I was even sad. 

Breastfeeding Ty had been a completely different experience. 

I've done this before. It shouldn't be this difficult. 

I've actually told my husband more than once I don't want to do this anymore... But I still am going .. Strong.. 

I cringe when he wants to eat, there have been moments where I have even cried. It hurts so much. I've tried different positions, I know how to line myself up, everything starts out promising and as soon as he takes that nipple into his mouth he does something that hurts so bad at times I lose my breath. Short of using a x ray to see into his mouth there's not much else I can do. 

I use nipple cream like its a drug, I must have it . Missing? Find it. Can't find it? Quickly go buy some more. 

Dry cracked nipples? Yup got them. 

Thrush? Yup got that again too. 

Mastitis? For the second time yup have that too. 

I've tried a nipple shield but it doesn't help in the long run because he won't empty the breast and that creates more problems. 

He's almost 3 months and I am having a difficult time seeing myself continuing for much longer. The thought of stopping even makes me happy... Happy until I really think about it and then I feel horrible. 

I've spoke with my doctor and she had nothing useful to say and so I suppose I will humor myself with a visit to the breastfeeding nurse. I say humor because I was trained to teach new moms when I was a student.. But until I've tried ansolutely everything I will has to carry on. It has to get better at some point... Right? 

Things to remember

Watching Mav breastfeed a stuffed puppy and bear, then burp them both and lay them down to sleep. Making sure to tell me "shhh" so I don't wake them ;)

Sidenote* we are going thru an anti clothing stage. Shirt with the diaper was a compromise lol 

Dear Ty: Two months

Dear Ty

Another month has flown by and you have grown so much! You feel much more solid now and your neck is getting strong. You still resist tummy time by burrowing your face into the floor but you hold your head up pretty well when you are held. You still sleep a lot but are spending more time awake and interacting with us. There is no denying you love your big brother and enjoy just being near him. You smile and coo when he is near I'm sure it's only a matter of time before your laughing at his craziness. You seem to be becoming more comfortable with your daddy as well, you will now allow him to soothe you and put you to sleep. It makes your dad very happy when you aren't screaming in his arms. You have been sporadically sleeping 7-8 hour stretches, the first few times happened after you turned one month and again recently. Mommy can hardly believe her luck when she wakes after one of those nights feeling much more rested. Thank you. 

You are still a big eater and are taking bottles every few nights. I would like to get you on bottles every night but you eat so much mommy hasn't been able to pump much. I feel like time is just flying by and I can't wait to see how much you change and grow this month. <3 

Monthly Stats: 

Weight ~ 11lb 12oz

Length ~ 63 cm

Hair/Eyes ~ Your hair thinned out but is already starting to grow back. It's not as dark as it was but still brown. Your eyes are starting to lighten, but still mostly dark blue

Feeding ~ You are doing very well with your bottles, I'm still not pumping enough for nightly bottles but slowly getting there.  You are breastfeeding on demand which is about every 3 hours or so and lasting approx 20-40 minutes

Sleeping ~ You sleep! I still can't believe it but you are sleeping 7-8 hour stretches multiple times a week. This past week I have noticed you seem to be having a nice long nap (3-4 hours) mid day. 

Milestones/Other ~ 

* You rolled front to back again! This time on video! 

* You love to sit in your swing and state up at the mirror on the mobile, you are not that interested in other toys yet so mommy lets you sit there as long as you like. 

* You are very gassy, you cry out in pain sometimes. I think you still have reflux as well.

* You're fitting into 6m size sleepers already but everything else is still 3m size

Happy 2014

Happy New Years 

I hope everyone's year has been off to a great start. Life is just getting back into routine here, it's hubby's first day back to work after a two week holiday. It was nice to have him home but it's pretty nice to have him go back. Routines are always slightly off when he's home all day. 

I decided no resolutions this year, instead just some plans. Sort of a bucktlist of things I want to do over the year. Some things are just places to visit, fun things to do and others are larger tasks like reading more (or specially a goal number of books). 

One thing I decided for sure was that 2014 would be about making some changes. 

My first big change happened last week. It was terrifying and exciting. 

I've always loved funky pixie cuts and secretly wanted to try one. Well I finally got the courage and am starting the year with a whole new look :) 

Excuse the lack of smile selfies are not my strong point. Apparently I can take the photo and smile lol 

Its a nice fresh start and motivates me for many other changes both personal and at home that I plan on making this year. 

Happy New Years!