I did breakdown and have a small bowl of ice cream. I feel awful for doing it but I'm struggling today.
My day started with me realizing I didn't know what to eat for breakfast. I stood staring into the fridge and pantry wondering what my blood sugar was and if eating certain items would push it too high. I really wish my dr had of taken initiative and set me up with a glucometer so I didn't have to guess. I decided on a bowl of rice crispies and avoided my usual glass of OJ.
Mav stuck to his routine of 1/4 cup OJ mixed with water and blueberries. Except he decided to have a 20 minute meltdown because he saw me dilute his drink with water. We are talking major meltdown here; screaming, crying, throwing his body on the ground meltdown.
Eventually he/we calmed down and managed to get him to daycare. Afterwards I went and retraced my steps from our walk the day before (a walk which had every muscle in my body aching today) and thankfully found his iPod which we had lost. I was up all night stressing about losing it, it plays his bedtime music which is a big part of his routine. It was crazy humid today so I'm feeling quite disgusting at only 9am.
With the iPod found I went on my way to my first clients home. Apparently there had been an accident involving a car and a bicycle just around the corner from where I was going, on the ground laid the cyclist with a blanket over them... I can't say for sure but I'm 90% sure he was still on the ground and not in the ambulance for a reason. Not a good one. That shook me up pretty good but after a time out to breathe I continued on my day.
All day long I felt hungry, hungry and stressed because I don't know what to eat. I was given no diet guidelines, and no idea what's actually going on in my body. Stress level increases.
I came home early, got a few things done around the house, picked up Mav and start making dinner. Once dinner is ready realize I can't serve half of it to Mav since we are not to introduce new foods until allergy testing and the other half he refuses to eat.
Cue more meltdowns. Which leads to agitated parents who start fighting with each other. I'm not sure if I've mentioned it before but we are bad fighters, as in all the things you shouldn't say end up being said.
With heavy tension still in the air I get Mav ready and put to bed. I spend the next few hours by myself watching tv and eventually caving in for that ice cream all which stewing with agitation and anger.
I'm not sure if its my hormones or what but lately I am so easily agitated. With everything/everyone. Plus Mav seems to really be pushing boundaries and I spend most of my time with him telling him not to do things and attempting to discipline bad behavior. Add in my husband also seems to be in a funk and spits more criticism out of his mouth than usefulness.
I'm at my breaking point.
I need an escape but I'm trapped.
I need the ppl around me to stop being so miserable too.
I need support and not criticism.
I need to stop being a bitch but I don't know how ...
Ugh.
End rant.
4 comments:
If it helps, I've had the identical fight with one of my girls over the orange juice:-). I now keep hers in its own container, pre-diluted!
I have no brilliant advice for that you don't already know (sleep, eat well, get a little time for yourself), but I can offer some sympathy. We've all been there!!!
My mother-in-law, one of my favorite people, had a saying: "The years fly by. But some of the days go on forever!"
I know it can be frustrating, especially if you don't have any idea of what foods to eat! I can send you a copy of my meal plans from when I was on "the diet" and maybe that will give you some place to start? It's all about watching carbs and sugars of course, but keeping things reasonable. I was eating 3 meals a day plus 4 snacks. Nothing super big and heavy, but I also took my sugar every morning when I woke up and an hour after every meal. Maybe your Dr. is going to have you take the 3 hour test and that's why they haven't given you a set of guidelines/glucometer etc...??? I don't know... I wish I could take away all your stress ... and if you ever need someone to unload on, I'm here. :)
Bad days are hard, but they end. You will get through this. You can do it.
You're in my prayers.
ohh v, i'm sorry you had a bad day along with mav. oh, i feel ya on a lot you said. steve and i aren't the best fighters sometimes. i can only imagine how trying it is while being pregnant and dealing with tantrums. i hope that things have started looking up for you. it seems like days like those, everything goes wrong. i am sending positive thoughts and hoping that today is a good day for you all! lots and lots of love xoxoxo
maria
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