A year later - pt 2

 Warning this post contains some details and memories that might be difficult 

for some people to read. 

After finding out about our missed miscarriage  my body begun to finally remove

the previous embryo. This resulted in heavy bleeding at a rapid rate as I begun to 

hemorrhage uncontrollably. After trying to stop the bleeding with pitocin induced 

contractions, and sweeping my cervix for clots I was rushed into emergency surgery 

and told I was going to need a blood transfusion. 

This all occured between February 19th 2011 at 9pm and February 20th 2011 at 4am.

A few hours short of being exactly a year ago. 

 Originally written some time in March 2011 

"Last night as I lay in bed trying to sleep I kept thinking about that night. This 

happens every now and then when my mind is quiet. The memories creep back 

in like a bad dream, except it wasn't a dream. What I'm remembering was real. 

It usually starts like little flashbacks that then grow into a steady stream. I try not 

to think too long because the reality of it scares me. 

 The blood - It started that day like a heavy period, this I was expecting. After 

dinner it intensified and while in the washroom realized my pad was almost full. 

I told Hubby it was time to go home. While standing in the doorway waiting for 

him it really started to come - "forget home lets go to the hospital, something’s not

right" when we got to the hospital 25 minutes later there was a puddle on the seat

of the car and my pants were soaked.    

The triage nurse - it was his first night I remember he told me that as he gathered all 

my information. He seemed slightly excited and nervous at the same time. Later once 

in my room he came back to check on me
The parade of nurses - the senior more experienced nurses took over including 

the charge nurse, I forget all their names there were too many. I barely even saw

the nurse who had been assigned to me... she was young, maybe too new to 

handle a situation like mine.
The blood - I remember the feeling of the blood just pouring out, when it first 

started I only felt it when standing, now I was laying flat on my back and it 

was like someone had turned on a facet inside me.

The fear it wasn't going to stop

The IV's - There were two, one in my left wrist the other my right inner elbow. 

One failed attempt to put one in had left my left hand bruised and sore. The fluid 

going through them felt like ice cold water in my veins.  

The pain - In the beginning it was like period cramps, only much stronger and then 

the contractions started. This was their first plan to stop or at least slow the bleeding,

they gave me a drug called pitocin to make my body go into contractions. The 

contractions felt like intense muscle cramping raging through my whole body. First

it was a dull ache in my lower back, which then spread around my torso to my 

lower abdomen. Eventually I could feel it in my legs, neck and arms.  

My head hurt so badly - my left side of my face and temple like they were going to 

explode, the one nurse didn't seem to know why, I think it was the contractions. 

That didn't exactly make me feel better when she didn't know, now my mind

is running wild with possibilities "what if its a blood clot?" "Am I going to die?" 

The Doctor - "If we can't stop the bleeding were going to have to go to 

the OR" and then "nurse cross her blood type in case we need a transfusion" 

followed by "call gyne we need them now" Nurse: “we already paged a stat call" 

The Gynecologist - She told me we needed to do surgery to stop the bleeding,

"nothing else is working". There were risks involved, and a possibility it wouldn’t

even work. They couldn't find a cause for the hemorrhage so far.  
Being rushed down the corridor to the OR - I've walked those halls many 

times but it was all a blur no idea where I was, it seemed like one giant blur of

a tunnel. All I saw was the flash of the lights overhead and hear the footsteps

they were in a hurry. 

Kissing Hubby goodbye before going thru the giant double doors. I 

was still scared of the pain in my head and part of me worried I would never 

see him again. He looked scared too. 
The anesthetic - they put a mask on my face "breathe deeply" the pressure 

on my throat like someone was pushing down on it. 

Saying "I'm scared my head feels funny" seconds before I was out
Waking up - I could hear before I could see - I think I may have been responding 

to questions "open your eyes" feeling foggy then crying when they told me it was over  
 

We returned home the next morning at around 4am; both of us exhausted, 

me still slightly drugged. I remained in the drugged fog for about another 

48 or so hours before finally feeling like normal again. My body ached for 

days, all of my muscles felt like they had been through an intense workout. 

I could barely walk. "