Harder than I thought.

This parenting thing is difficult.
Much more difficult than I ever thought it would be. Sometimes I feel like I was completely unprepared.

Sometimes I worry if how I'm feeling is normal, if I'm the only one to deal with this life. Every now and then someone validates my feelings and tells me how they feel or felt the same. It's nice to hear that, nice to know its not only you.

When I was pregnant I had this vision of what it would be like to have a baby. I imagined having a perfect, well kept, organized house. Plenty of time to do crafts, and take tons of photographs of my baby most of which would be inspired by my pinterest finds. Of course dinner would be made ever night and our life would be full of nothing but rainbows and unicorns.
Of course in this dream world I would also look fabulous because I would drop the baby weight quickly and buy a chic and stylish new wardrobe. We would be oh so happy.

Ok reality check time...

I spent the first 6 months postpartum covered in baby puke.
I've lost too much weight to wear my maternity clothes but not near enough to wear my regular clothes.
I feel like a slob, My self image is crap. And buying a stylish new wardrobe is out of the question while on maternity leave.
My baby cries and whines a lot. He's very happy but also very emotional in general.
He relies on me for everything. Duh obviously right? Ya I knew this but I didn't anticipate how mentally exhausting it would be to be relied on like this. Sometimes I need/want a break.
I'm probably more emotional and easier to anger now than while pregnant. My hormones are out of control and my hair is still falling out.
I am ashamed and disappointed in my lack of photographs of my child.
I don't have any spare time. What you might consider spare time is usually taken by my own need to nap. No matter how much I nap I am still tired.
It's surprising how well I can function on so little sleep. It's even more surprising when all of a sudden my body realizes its exhausted and can no longer function properly.
I cook dinner maybe twice a week. The rest of the week we eat cereal, or left overs, or pancakes etc.
My marriage is strained, and at moments at risk of failing. I struggle daily with finding the balance of my roles as mother and wife.

I'm jealous of moms who have "easy" babies, moms who somehow have a life.

So that's how it is. Don't get me wrong I love my baby, my husband, my life. I just wanted to be honest and put that out there because I know that the few honest posts like this have really helped me feel better on those tougher days.

oxo