Our first week

Ty is now 9 days old. 

I am still pinching myself and knocking on wood everytime I comment on what a good baby he is. The differences between him and Mav are like night and day. 

Our first week has consisted of two follow ups and rounds of blood work for Ty to monitor his jaundice. On day 4 his levels came back right at the limit barely escaping a hospital admission and phototherapy. When we went back at day 6 he had gained 1.5oz and bloodwork showed a small improvement so we've been free to monitor it from home. 

On day 7 I woke not feeling very well. My chest felt heavy and it was like I couldn't take a deep breath without something hurting deep inside. I have had a lot of swelling since giving birth, way worse than when I was pregnant. And my left leg was pretty bad so when my mom arrived for the day Ty and I were ready at the door waiting. I had her take me to the ER to be assessed. In the back of my head I worried about a blood clot, but I mainly felt like they were going to just send me home. 

Well that's not what happened at all. At triage they discovered my heart rate was way too low and in the 30's. I was rushed into the back where I was hooked up to an ECG machine and had al ultrasound done on my heart looking for the suspected clot. After an injection of blood thinner and a cat scan of my lungs they determined there was no clot after all, but what they did find was a cyst on my lung which was located right beside my heart. 

Over the next 48 hours (I was admitted onto the cardiac floor) they discovered fluid around my lungs (pleural effusion) and a heart murmur. The cyst measures 5x5x2cm. More ultrasounds and a chest x ray ruled out more serious diagnosis but no actual cause for my heart rate was determined. It was decided that I had the cyst previously undetected, and labour caused stress on my body which in turn caused the fluid and low heart rate. No real answers but a theory. I will have to follow up in a month to assess the cyst and check to see if the fluid has been absorbed or not. They won't drain anything unless it worsens because of the high risk of infection. 

This whole time Ty was at my bedside as I am breastfeeding. He was absolutely perfect, my mom stayed as well bc another adult had to be there to be responsible for him in case something happened with me. I remember holding him and through all the other emotions feeling so blessed that he was such a good baby. If it wasn't for him being the talk of the floor no one would have known he was there. I think every nurse and worker came to say hi. 

It feels good to be home again, and sleeping in my own bed. Home with my family where I can hold and kiss both my boys. I'm still feeling a little off, and very nervous for the future. I broke down in the hospital just sobbing at the possible thought of not being there for my boys. And while the immediate risk is gone the mystery of what happened remains and is on my mind. But for now all I can do is wait it out and go back if something concerning happens. 

Now to turn this post back around I will leave it with some pictures of our week. 

<3 <3 

Surrounded by Boys

Well its official. 

I am a mother of two. Two boys to be exact. 

This past Thursday at 5:59am Baby Ty joined our little family. Weighing in at 8lbs 7oz with rolls upon rolls (including a double chin). At only 37 weeks and 5 days I cringe at the size he could have been. 

I will post an official "birth story" like I did for Mav in a few days. Right now we are elbows deep; trying to figure out how to be a family of four, running around to dr appointments (Ty has jaundice), and trying to share the love between toddler and newborn. I foresee a few posts in the comig weeks about Mav's adjustment also. 

In the meantime I leave you with the cuteness of my life these days <3 

I'm not in labour!

That's what I think every time I wake the past two nights. 

Not sure what's going on in my brain but I go to sleep and wake almost every hour and as I open my eyes panic then calm once I realize "I'm not in labour". For some reason that millisecond upon waking I think it's time. And this seems to be the reason I'm waking, sure I'm uncomfortable and sure I have to pee a lot, my heart burn has even gotten worse this past week but none of those seem to be the reason I am waking. Perhaps I'm dreaming I'm in labour? But I don't remember the dreams at all. It's very annoying to say the least and hopefully it stops sooner than later because I am exhausted. 

On a separate note I hope everyone had a safe and fun Halloween :)

We decided to paint pumpkins this year. The one on the left Mav did himself. The ghosts and spider are his hands and feet (I love hands and feet) 

 Mav did some real trick or treating this year, he seemed to really enjoy the free candy. A couple houses had displays that were a little frightening for him but over all he did great. It was so cute watching him knock on people's doors :) and I've been enjoying the candy stash of course! We put aside a few things for him to snack on but he's not even two so lets be honest the candy is for me and hubby lol 

Here he is in his T. rex costume making his rounds :)

Packing my hospital bag - round 2

Well this past Tuesday we made a trip to labour and delivery as I was having some pretty intense "period type" cramping and contractions. I was hesitant to go because I have in general been more uncomfortable this time around but figured being as my due date was never officially changed baby is technically still preterm so off we went. 

Well we did come home "luckily" (i use the term loosely)  still pregnant, but boy did I hear it from hubby! My bag was not yet packed and the stress of the day got to him. So to make him feel better and knock another thing off my list I started packing. 

For some reason packing this time proved much more difficult. Last time I searched the Internet for lists and packed anything and everything that was suggested. This time I stared at my bag thinking why even bother lol. 

I'm sure I will add a few more things as time gets closer but here is what I've come up with so far: 

~For the baby~

2 sleepers

2 onesies 

1 sleep gown 

1 pair of socks 

2 hats

3 different soothers 

diaper wipes

*car seat is ready and waiting with a blanket and fleece snow suit 

* I am considering packing baby stuff in the diaper bag and adding a few items for Mav as well. 

Now I would like to mention our hospital provides diapers, Vaseline and dry wipes (which I hated). So no need for those. And the only reason I am entertaining the idea of dressing baby is because the weather is getting cooler and you never know what the room temp will be there. Otherwise I would only bring a going home outfit. 

~My personal items~ 

Nursing bra and pads

Flip flops 

2 pairs of socks (one plain and one fleece)

Yoga pants 

Zip up sweater 

t shirt 

2 piece button up pajama set (still looking for a set)

I am not bringing underwear because I plan on using the mesh ones the hospital provides. They also provide monster size pads so no need to bring those. 

~ Toiletries~ 

Bag #1 holds: 

Toothbrush and toothpaste 

Travel size shampoo, conditioner, hair spray, and face cleanser

Hair brush 

Eye mask for sleep 

Razor

Bag #2 is my make up bag should I feel the urge to beautify myself:

Make up brushes 

Lips gloss

Mascara 

Eye shadow

Bronzer

Bag # 3 probably the most useful bag:

lip chap

Hair elastics

Bobby pins 

Nail file and clippers

2 hair bands 

~ Misc items ~ 

Phone charger 

Video camera and charger 

Laptop and charger 

Snacks - still to be packed 

A good book - yet to be decided. 

Headphones 

I decided against bringing a camera for a couple reasons. One being that both of us have iPhones which tend to be our go to as well the video camera has the ability to take photos. So between those and other people's cameras I figure we are set. 

I don't think I really need much else. I didn't use most of what I packed last time so really trying to minimalize this time around. 

A few items I have listed have not yet made it into the bag since they are used quite regularly. 

Others that are still up for consideration include: 

Mini light - I may end up in a shared room and the bedside lights are so bright.

Notebook and pen - with Mav's birth I kept a log of progress etc. 

Deck of cards - for boredom 

Pillow and blanket- I can't remember if I brought one last time... But I do remember being cold at night. 

Hand sanitizer - I'm not big on using it to begin with but being in a germ infested hospital is making me consider. 

I think that's it! I may do a follow up post after the birth to compare this with what was actually brought a used. It still seems like a lot but looking at it all laid out is really not much. 

Alright so now onto the next task ;) 

Later friends.

Holy Baby

I love the belly cuddles that have been happening around here. Mav loves his baby sibling so much it's freaking adorable. Melts my heart to pieces. I can only hope he feels the same when the baby is no long in my belly! 

Seeing as how I am almost 34 weeks now a baby update is over due. So how have things been going? ... Well let me tell you but before I do I want to say that I am forever greatful for this growing baby inside of me, I have dealt with loss and know many friends and family who face their own fertility challenges. I by no means take any if this for granted. 

But I am miserable. I remember with Mav being so excited and wanting him to be born purely on the fact I wanted a baby. I desperately want this kid out too but it is because I no longer want to be pregnant anymore. 

I am hormonal aka a crazy bitch so watch out. 

And the daily and almost constant discomfort and pain... Physically I'm not sure how much more my body can take. My belly is much larger this time, my uterus has been measuring 4 weeks ahead for some time now. It's heavy, and the weight and pressure are making my back, hips, everywhere hurt. 

There is a good chance that my dates could be off so I have been cautiously preparing for the potential of baby coming earlier.

At least I am not as swollen as last time. I only recently (32 weeks) had to take off my rings, and my feet still look like they belong to me most days. My face however is starting to look a tad bit puffy, not sure yet if its fatness or swelling. 

Overall my weight gain has been much slower too. I think I am still under 30lbs gained. I haven't paid too much attention since its been so less. At this point with Mav I had gained over 60lbs... Again there was a lot of swelling... And my ass was fat. 

And since I've gained less and slower I've been lucky with stretch marks. I do have a new one starting on the right side of my belly (my first belly mark)  and the old ones on my hips have remained fairly light. So bonus there. 

I am so exhausted. It's probably a combination of my low hemoglobin and having a toddler at home. I went into l&d a few weeks ago to get checked as I was having dizzy spells and feeling "not right" since then I've starred increasing my iron intake which helps a bit. There are some days where just walking makes the muscles in my legs feel like giving out. 

The poor sleep I am sure plays a part too. I toss and turn a lot. And when I'm not repositioning and looking for a comfortable spot I'm up having to pee (again) for the hundredth time. I seriously don't remember being this affected with Mav, at least not until later on. 

Braxton hicks (I assume that's what it is) are constant. All day and sometimes lasting up to an hour each. Sometimes it's so tight that its actually painful. 

I'm not sure how much long I will be able to work. Sitting down causes my body to fold on itself in ways that cause more pain. 

I did my 2 hour glucose test and thankfully do not need diabetic meds, or further monitoring. I still need to be cautious and mindful of my diet but the doctor is not concerned right now. Win for me, hello chocolate. 

I had another ultrasound around 32 weeks to determine the location of my placenta and check baby's positioning and size. 

Estimated weight was 4lbs10oz (and I fully understand that's not reliable) 

Babies head had moved down and center which was our hopes. We went from weeks and weeks of being transverse, to head down oblique (aka crooked side angle where the head was in my hip) to finally proper positioning. Hopefully babe stats that way and I get my vbac. my placenta is still low, but it has moved enough that the doctor is not concerned. 

This baby is very camera shy. Face pictures are practically impossible.

We still haven't told family the gender. The envelope was opened, but they don't know it yet. Part of me felt skepticle with trusting that piece of paper, with Mav we were shown a visual confirmation. All this was was a piece of paper telling me something I never got the chance to see. So when I went to the ultrasound a couple weeks ago I asked to see. 

But still even with confirmation my lips are sealed for now ;) 

Co Parenting

Webster's defines co parenting as the "shared duties of bringing up a child". It is often made in reference to a divorced couple raising their children while living separately. When really co parenting also describes two parents who are still living under the same roof. It is something my husband and I are failing at miserably. 

And because we are failing so miserably everyone's lives (hubby, Mav and mine) are in turn miserable. No one is happy here these days, no matter how promising the day starts. 

No this is not a post looking for encouragement and people to say we are doing great. This is the truth, the ugly truth and I am being honest. 

So why is this happening? Why is everyone so miserable? What could we possibly be doing that's so wrong. I will start by stating the obvious differences in our upbringings. 

Hubby grew up with parents who attempted to be married while making each other miserable. Discipline was forced and coincided with raised voices and negative exchanges of words. 

I grew up with a mother who had multiple failed relationships and pushed strongly for independence and feelings of self worth in her children. Discipline was more positive and involved talking about cause and effect of our behaviours. No force, no raised voices. Never were we ever made to feel bad about ourselves when being disciplined. 

Flash forward to these two people dealing with a toddler prematurely entering the "terrible two" phase. We disagree on how to deal with temper tantrums and everything else. If voices are raised Mav's behaviours get worse. And I am not innocent with this one, my voice raises. I do my best to balance it with positive reinforcement and take the time to explain to him why he can not behave in certain ways. 

A typical day looks like this. Mav pushes the boundaries and gets himself worked up which in turn increases the stress level of said parents. One of the parents then takes it upon themselves to manage the situation in a way opposite of what the other feels is right. Said parents then start fighting. Fighting parents then trigger Mav to increase behaviours to the next level. Parents fight more, one gives up while saying relationship damaging words to the other. Remaining parent gets Mav under control and finishes parenting duties. Parents continue to fight after Mav is in bed, go to bed with issues unresolved. The threat of divorce is thrown out there, sometimes a productive conversation occurs attempting to find resolution. However nothing ever changes and it all repeats the next day.

Now I realize I am much more shall we say hormonal this pregnancy, but I sadly do not think this is the cause of these issues. I search the Internet wide and far looking for insight on how to better manage these things. But things will only get better if everyone involved actually tries. One person can simply not sit back nod wait for the other to change before they try, it has to happen together. And you can't make someone change, or want to change. Especially when that someone blames the other as the main cause of everything wrong in their life.

I have suggested counseling, everything imaginable but only one person going does not work. 

I feel like I am standing in a small dark room and I am very worried about the upbringing of my children. I love my husband more than anything in the world, we have always been slightly dis functional when it came to how we deal with things. But now with children involved I worry about what our relationship will do to them. I do not want my children to grow up feeling the way my husband has expressed being made felt by his parents. But I have no clue how to make sure this does not happen. I can't control or change the way my husband parents, and let me say that from what I know despite the similarities he is not as harsh a parent as his. 

At this point I don't see a resolution. And that worries me, makes me scared for my marriage. 

Apples, Pumpkins and a Corn maze

I love Fall. Capital L O V E it. 

Hands down my favourite season. 

I love the sunny weather with the cool crisp breeze and the way the air smells. 

I love the colours of the leaves and how gorgeous everything looks. 

And the food. Fall means soups and hot meals and of course thanksgiving. 

I pretty much love everything about the season. 

I hope my kiddos grow up to love it as much as I do :) 

Today Hubby and I took Mav for our first little family fall adventure. Being parents is great for reliving all those fun things you did as a kid. I honestly can't remember the last time I went apple picking or picked a pumpkin straight from the patch. These are things I hope we make a yearly thing. We attempted to go to a pumpkin patch last year but they were closed when we got there and we improvised with a little photo session instead. This year was the real deal, tractor ride and all. 

 

Despite his facial expression Mav had a great time lol I think he was focused on something here. Practically impossible to get him to look right at the camera with so much else going on. 

We went back to the same farm we went berry picking at this summer. One of the main reasons we chose to return was for the tractor. Mav really loved it last time and I couldn't confirm any of the other orchards had one. 

We sat right up front to get the best view 

Apple picking was first on our agenda, Mav figured out what to do pretty quick and luckily the trees were nice and low to the ground :) 

Naturally he sampled some lol 

We picked out four pumpkins for our little family. Mav even helped pick and gather them. It was so cute watching him try to pick then up. You can barely see it but he's still holding onto his apple lol at one point he was holding his apple in his teeth attempting to pick up one of the larger pumpkins. 

After we picked our stash we waited for the tractor to come back and get us. Still working on that apple lol must have been good. 

We finished off by attempting the corn maze... It was tough! We made it out which I feel counts as a success .. Even if the way out we took was labelled emergency exit and not the exit we were supposed to find. By the time we found it I didn't care I had a toddler and husband both getting cranky! We probably won't attempt the maze again for a few years lol 

It was an exhausting afternoon, but tons if fun :)