I'm just not sure

If anyone reads this then I'm sure you've noticed I've been MIA.
Between two toddlers, my household, husband and new full time job I don't have time.
I don't really have anything to say even.

I'm not sure if I want to do this.

What's the point really? I'm not doing this for money, the followers or even as away to track milestones. I'm just not sure how this fits in my life anymore.

I've thought about starting fresh, but again why?

I'm going to give it some time to figure it out.

It's almost time

Hard to believe Ty is almost a year already. This year has flown by, it truly feels faster than with Mav. I suppose I'm busier now and that makes the days fly (sometimes crawl). 

Next week I return to work. I am extremely thankful for Canadian maternity leave; 52 weeks paid at 55% of your regular earnings. If your lucky enough to have an employer who tops you up even better. Me not so much. Only the 55% here. It makes living tight but we get by and soon we will be back to our regular income. 

I've felt ready to return for a few weeks now, but funny enough the closer it gets the less ready I am. I'm going to miss these days terribly. 

So good bye pajama days, play dates, and afternoon naps. 

Hello alarm clock, paychecks, make up and the outside world. 

Ty did and half day at daycare last week and has another on Thursday. I have no real worries for him aside from naps and generalized worry with food. 

Fingers crossed Mav adjusts well to having Ty join him at his safe place. Daycare has been his get away and I really hope he's ready to share. 

But first we have to plan the birthday party. This Saturday, a week early we are celebrating and so this week will be all about getting ready. So much to do, so little time. 

Happy Halloween! Join the Teal Pumpkin Project!

Halloween is here! A night full of ghosts and ghouls and candy and fun! 

I hope every one has a safe and happy Halloween. And speaking of safe, have you heard about the teal pumpkin project? It seems to be getting a lot of news coverage as well showing up all over Facebook and Pinterest. 

If your wondering what it is I'll break it down for you. 

Paint one of your pumpkins teal and have it visible to trick or treaters to symbolize allergy awareness and that you have non candy treats available. It's fairly simple. All you need to do is run out to the dollar store and grab some knick knacks like pencils, stickers, glowsticks, spider rings, playdoh etc. you don't have to spend much but as a mother of an allergy kid I can tell you it means a lot to have these things available. 

Luckily for us this year Ty is too young to understand all the candy that's there. He won't really miss out on anything. But next year, next year will be interesting. Since we only go see a few of the neighbors I can easily make up treat bags and hand them out in advance, but I fully plan on plastering my neighborhood with teal pumpkin signs the whole month of October. I've been spamming my Facebook friends all month ;) because let's face it allergies are on the rise and Ty is not the only kid out there so if me spreading awareness helps make another kids night more enjoyable then mission complete. 

I remember how growing up each Halloween night when we got home my brother and I would dump all our candy on the floor and separate out all the choclate. Every year my brother would be in tears as my mother had to take all his choclate away and trade with me for things he could eat. Sure he got candy in exchange but he was so upset everytime. I really don't want to have to do that. It had to be heartbreaking for her as well. 

Teal pumpkin project can help avoid that. Allergy kids deserve to trick or treat the same as the rest of them. 

That's it. That's all. Just doing my bit to help spread awareness :) now it's time for a nap in preparation for tonight! 

2 ingredient pancakes

Today Ty got to eat pancakes! 

He gobbled them right up (as he does with most food) and ate three. I'm sure he would have eaten more but I wanted to save two to test how they freeze and thaw. 

Apparently different versions of these pancakes can be found all over the internet so I'm not really sure who gets the credit. I found them via Facebook. 

Seriously tho these are delicious, I tried them myself and a perfect addition to our FPIES cook book. 

And simple. Because remember I can not cook worth my life. 

Beat 2 eggs and mix with two small mashed (or one large) bananas. Cook in non stick frying pan or use a safe oil if available. 

That's it. Really it's that easy. 

The first couple I made looked pretty rough but by the last one I had figured out how they would cook and flip. 

the monster in my house

You know the one, he's approximately 3 feet tall, sandy blonde hair and blue eyes.
Often referred to as Mav.

I don't know how much more this I can take, I am pretty much at my wits end with him. I feel like I have not done anything except for yell and and timeout and more in over a week. I don't know why, but all of a sudden he's turned into an absolute psycho child. Dare I even say it.. an asshole. Yup I said it, it is the truth. He is being so aggressively bad that I can barely stand being in the same room with him at this point. I find myself making excuses to leave him with hubby any chance that I get so that I can get away. I need to for my own sanity.

And then I feel guilty for feeling like this with my child.
 

I'm pretty sure he is purposely trying to get me angry at this point. Why I'm not too sure, jealous maybe of the time and attention Ty needs?

 I tried taking him out just me and him to see if that would help. We went to the movies we had a lot of fun, but as soon as the movie was over it was time to go home he turn back into his psychotic self epic tantrum battles hitting screaming you name it it's happening.
 

Time outs don't work. Time ins don't work. Tossing toys into the "garbage" doesn't work (punishment for throwing toys or causing harm with the toy). Yelling doesn't work. Talking in a serious tone doesn't work. Talking in a polite "please stop that etc" tone doesn't work. Sending him to his room doesn't work. Nothing works.

It's hard to give positive reinforcement when there is nothing positive going on.

So I guess starting tomorrow I'm just going to stop yelling. I'm not sure what I'm going to do but clearly he's trying to get a rise out of me.

Terrible two's my ass... this had better not be what three's are going to be like.

A FPIES update

Today October 14, 2014 is the very first Global FPIES Awareness day.

    The boys wearing the shirt we won.

Ty is also 11 months old today so it only seems fitting I post an update. 

At 11 months Ty is 19lb 4oz and 54cm long. We have been monitoring his growth monthly since meeting the specialist and despite being petite still I am very pleased with his progress. He is now the same weight Mav was at 12 months. Still on the smaller side of average but average none the less. 

He now has 11 foods we can call safe; sweet potatoes, butternut squash, plums, pears, lamb, quinoa, white potato, carrots, broccoli, banana, and apple. We retried his soy formula and are now using that to supplement as well for convienence (aka freedom). We have two food trials we are working on, black beans and avocado both are looking very promising. 

Unfortunately we had to remove peaches from his list of safes as they seemed to be causing some chronic symptoms. He was having increased reflux, excessive hiccups, stomach pains and poor sleep. All of which improved since stoping. I hope to re try the peaches again in the spring or summer and see if we can get them back. It may be ambitious but fingers crossed. He still has three trigger foods (rice, oats, milk) that cause acute reactions. 

I have been focusing on finger foods so that Ty can practice his pincher grasp as well as chewing. Now that he has a more varied diet it finally allows us to work on those developmental milestones and catch up. 

Focusing on that black bean... 

Cheecha puffs and freeze dried fruit have made life seem more normal, we have a quick easy no prep snack that I can carry in my diaper bag or purse. 

Air puffed potatoes! Canadian made!

  Enjoying his snack :)

This little guy seriously loves food so much it breaks my heart at times. We have been making such good progress tho and I have to remind myself of that at times. Some days the emotional toll hits me. Hits me hard. I would love to just be "normal" and feed him as I please. To go out somewhere and grab a bite and offer him a bite without the stress of a potential reaction. Even just doing the food trials is nerve wracking enough to want to hide away from it all. I worry excessively and watch the clock countdown to the two and three hour mark post meal before I dare breathe. Even trying different variations of a safe food is nerve wracking, you never know if the protein component is the same in each. 

I have been reading blog posts and stories all day, taking a glimpse into the lives of the other FPIES families. We are in a good place, I know that. There are many others more complicated with more triggers and less safes. It helps level my head a little but most of all it makes me feel for those families. Together we are getting through this, supporting one another, sharing recipes, tips, resources and sometimes just words of encouragement. 

Going forward the plan with Ty is to see his specialist as well as an allergist in December. I had expressed concern about Ty having IgE allergies, nuts especially since I developed that allergy while pregnant with him so the plan is to have him tested. Our specialist was ok with me taking the lead in planning our foods but did want us to try chicken so that will be coming up at some point. I return to work next month so the food trials will lessen as we will only have weekends to do them. That will be frustrating but we should have a good list of safes by then and it will give me time to play around with recipes and give his gut a little time to relax. 

Breastfeeding will continue as long as it needs to...  More on that later tho. 

an apple a day ...

What about 5 apples a day? 

Mav is eating apples like a power house. The one day he ate 5 or 6! Little bugger keeps sneaking them from the garage. 

We had a great time apple picking this year! Last year we combined our apple picking with the pumpkin patch and really only picked a dozen at most. This year I have plans for those apples, plans I had better hurry up with before Mav eats them all. 

Next year should be even more fun when Ty is big enough to walk around and pick apples too. Honestly these cute little moments make my heart want to explode. 

Next fall adventure? Pumpkin patch; hopefully this weekend with my nephew and nieces if the weather holds up! 

Our 18lb bag of apple goodness. Notice the bite missing ;) 

Flashback to last years apple adventures: 

Same hat ;)